This week, Ava went to her first camp, Beach week at gymnastics camp. She had been in gymnastics for about two and a half months and then my heart attack happened and we pulled her out of gymnastics because I was to drop all commitment for a few months. She was actually fine with that, since her anxiety shot up really high after the heart incident in our lives. She would ask about it every once in a while, but mostly, she hated leaving my side. It was sad to watch, this little girl, by nature very confidant, and now very anxious and scared to have mommy out of her sight. We have been working on this and we have been building up to this week for awhile. It takes awhile to prepare her and get her ready for these types of situations.
So, as I was getting her ready Monday morning, I was silently praying in my heart that God would calm her nerves that I knew were bound to arise. We got up and packed her little backpack with a snack, drink, bathing suit and beach towel. She picked to wear her PINK leotard and she was so excited. She let me put her hair in a pony tail and then brushed her teeth and stood at the door hollering that it was time to go, while Christian and I were rushing to get ourselves ready. She literally skipped out to the car and sang the whole way down the sidewalk. However, once we got in the van, she got very quiet. She said, "mommy? I am still excited, . . .but I am nervous too. I have chickens in my belly cause I don't know what to do." I told her that sometimes in life, when I am going somewhere or trying something for the first time, I feel nervous, but I reminded her that God is always with us. I also informed her that she would like her teachers and make new friends while at camp. She said, "now mom, I only like my teachers from church and your mom2mom class, cause I already know them." I continued to explain to her that she would like these teachers too, it was just scary the first day. I told her I would be right there with her.
We entered in, and she saw a familiar teacher from earlier in the year and skipped right up to him. She was smiling and never looked back. So, Monday went well and I left, came back three hours later and she was very happy to see me. She had so much to tell me and she kept saying, "this is the last time you leaved me for so long and I did it all by myself!!!" I was so proud of her. So, Tuesday, morning, I got up and we did the same routine again. She heard me talking to Christian about what him and I were going to be doing and she went from super excited about gymnastics camp to super nervous. She started whimpering a little and said that I couldn't leave her and she would miss me. I wasn't sure how to handle this but when we arrived at the camp, she was extremely hesitant. She wouldn't let go of my hand and I wanted to cry for her. She wanted to go in, but she was so scared. She finally allowed a teacher to take her through the door, and then she again, never looked back. Almost as though she had made the decision, the right one and was happy about it. No doubt. I, on the other hand, was extremely anxious, wondering if she was missing me and if she was feeling abandoned. I called my hubby and he told me to stay strong and he was praying for me. We have to let go at some point.
I got to thinking about what he said. At some point I have to let go. This got me thinking about how God loves us and wants us to make the right decisions. He cheers us on and roots for us and sends people our way to encourage us along the path, kind of like the familiar teachers and friends. He has big plans for us, ones he know will make us happier than we can imagine, but yet we have to take the step to find this out. Like today, I knew Ava would have a blast at camp and would be fine, but I also knew she had to find that out for herself. I could tell her over and over, but she had to make the choice. Once she did, she was great and when I came to get her, she had a blast and never mentioned the fact that I had left. I wonder if God has a hard time letting us go and make decisions for ourselves sometimes. He knows the easy path and the hard path to the end result. He is there with us along the way, but ultimately we have to decide what we are going to do with our lives. Are we going to take the leap of faith and trust what he tells us is behind the curtain that we can't see? I believe when we do just that, we never look back once we see what is on the other side. I am sure he cries with us and hurts with us, but he knows what is waiting. I feel that I am Ava's biggest fan, but I know really that God is. He is my biggest fan too and I am glad he is on my side.
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