One Month Down. . . the Updates

We have officially completed our first month of Ava's being away at school.  For my own records, I am gonna go through the past month with some high moments and some of our trying times, but to let you know the outcome before you read the blog. . .we are doing great and all adjusting well in the end. 

Okay, so we had a pretty good first few days of school, other than the sadness of mommy, daddy and especially Christian, as we were missing our Ava Bean being here with us.  It was so sad as every day that Ava got on the bus, Christian would take my hand and put his head down and and whimper , "mommy, I miss Ava."  It was so sad and I tried really hard to make the time while she was away "our special time", but I have to admit too, it is still sad without her here.  We did lots of things to try and occupy our time and I wanted him to enjoy time with just mommy.  We read books, played games, and watched movies together. I even had him help me bake and let him lick the spatula when we were done.  One thing I have noticed is, just as we all suspected, he is coming out of his shell.  He is no longer HIDING behind his sister and doing what she wants, so he now has an opinion on what he wants to do. He is by no means demanding or rude about it, but he loves lounging and he is okay with whatever we do.  That boy is amazing.  He can have fun doing anything and very rarely do I ever hear a complaint from him.  He is great when we shop, run errands or just with whatever we do.  The key to his contentment is FOOD.  As long as we pack a snack or a lunch, he is as happy as a lark.  He also loves when I stop for my DD coffee, cause the lady always slips him a few donut holes.  He flashes his little smile and then says thanks. :) 

So, after the first week, Ava started with the whole, "I don't want to go" or even "I am NEVER going back to school!!"  Getting ready in the morning became harder and harder and she would cling to our necks and cry and we would have to force her the entire way.  We forced her on the bus and pried her hands off of us as the bus driver closed the door.  She would be crying and have tears just streaming down her cheeks which then left us in a sad state for the rest of the day.  First of all, I prayed for a sweet bus driver because I anticipated a little of this to happen.  We got that one answered in a miraculous way.  We love our Buss Driver, Mrs. Hess.  She is amazing and Ava loves her too.  The bus driver called me the first day Ava acted like this just to tell me that Ava was fine and smiling when she arrived at the school.  She didn't want me worrying all day. :)  This made me feel a ton better, but I still hated forcing her to do something she hated so much. I knew I had to stick with it, but in my mind, I also knew I missed her tons too, so why force her to go. I stayed strong for her, and never let her see me cry or waver, but inside I had decided I wouldn't do this forever.  I gave her until Thanksgiving in my mind, and then I was homeschooling.  I couldn't handle all the anxiety it was causing her and how she was so sad and heart broken.  I started helping in her class on Wednesdays, but she was fine until I went to leave and then she started to cry and was pretty sad.  We ate lunch with her for her birthday and that was hard when we left too. 

The second Friday of school, I had to take her to her wellness check up and she had to get shots.  Then I had to take her to school. I  knew this was a lot in one day, but I had to get these things done.  It was just the way it worked out.  She cried the whole way to school saying she wasn't going to go in.  Then when we got there, I had to carry her into the office, and the ladies had to pry her off of me and tell me to just leave.  She was crying so hard and calling for me harder than ever and I was so upset.  I told God I couldn't do this so I needed him to step in for me.  That day, when she got off the bus, her eyes were so puffy and I knew she had been crying alot. I looked in her folder and there was a note from her teacher saying that she was crying inconsolably for awhile.  They even had her lay in the library area for 20 minutes before she was able to even try and participate with the other kids.  I was sooo sad.  I had come home and rallied my supportive troops that day, asking my friends and family to pray.  I knew she had to do this but what was I to do to help it go easier for her.  I read the note and then emailed the teacher right away.  I poured my heart out to her, explaining that I had debated on home schooling but I felt she needed the social aspect of school.  I explained how the battles at home were going and how much she didn't want to go to school.  She wrote back and informed me that she understood and believe it or not, Ava was NOT her worst case ever of sad children.  However, she knew that wouldn't make me all better.  She suggested I stick with it a little bit longer and keep coming into to volunteer for Wed. Then she recommended that if she continued after the next week, that she would have a counselor talk to her. I agreed and then as I was talking to Micah about all that happened, Ava overheard us.  She thought her teacher had written a BAD note home because she was crying.  She was so upset and embarrassed and said she couldn't handle thinking her teacher was that disappointed.  Micah, knowing her personality, played on that.  He promised her that her Teacher still liked her but would keep writing bad notes if she was always crying.  Even as she played school the next week, I would hear her threaten this to her dolls (the students). . .that if they didn't stop crying she was gonna write mean letters to their mommy and daddy.  :)  Poor thing. 
However, this helped.  She came home the next day, and she was all smiles when she got off the bus.  When I asked her if she had cried that day, and she said, "nope not at all.  I was sad for a moment or two, but then I didn't cry."  I checked my email and the teacher had indeed informed me that Ava was great all day.  I bragged this up to Ava and told her all about the GOOD note from her teacher.  Micah was so right, this definitely works for her personality.  She hates disappointing people she respects.

We still had two weeks of sadness everyday as she got on the bus.  She would cry or run or just hang her head as she got on the bus. I was tired of the battle, but I talked to my Grandmother who told me to start a chart where, each day when she got off the bus, she got to put a sticker on her chart.  At the end of each 5 day week completed, she would get a small prize and at the end of the month, she got to have a friend over for the night.  This seemed to help her, along with the fact that she gets to have a tootsie roll along with the sticker for her chart.  :)  She NEVER forgets these two items either.

The biggest thing that has helped with adjustment is picking her up at the end of the school day.  She asked me to do it one day and I said I would.  It cuts 40 minutes out of her total time away from us and this is a huge factor supposedly.  She started getting on the bus easier and not crying as much or resisting as much.  I figure, if picking her up each day, saves her some anxiety, then well worth it!!  She says, "thanks for picking me up, it is sooooo loooong waiting for the bus and I get annoying!!" ;)  I think she meant she gets annoyed but the teachers overseeing the event may feel the way she quoted it. :)

Finally, last Tues. night, she told me she would rather me not come to her class the next day. I was curious as to why and when I asked she said, "well, I don't cry when you are not there, but when you come, I always cry when you leave. I can't help it.  Other kids don't cry when their mom's leave but I can't not cry."  This broke my heart.  Really, she was that in tuned with her feelings that she knew to ask me not to come, so as not to mess up her day.  Well, I happened to be sick the next day, so I offered to stay home and she said that was fine.  When I went to pick her up, she said, "see mom, you didn't come and I told you it would work.  I didn't even cry one moment."  She was so proud and though I was secretly sad for a moment, I was over all just so proud of her and cheered her on.  She told me I could maybe come back in to help with her class when she was older and didn't get so sad. :)  I love that girl.

But this week. . .AWWW my heart is singing.  She did it, she gets up, gets ready and waits with a smile for the bus.  She waves and says "bye mom and Christian!!"  and off she goes on the bus.  Here is the key.  She smiles when she leaves and is still smiling when she comes home.  She LOVES school and is really proud of herself. I am so proud of her too for fighting through this difficult time and new season in life.  She is a fighter and I am so excited to look at her and watch her face and conquer this big fear.  I am also so proud to see little man adjusting well too.  They amaze me and though they are growing up WAY too fast, I am so in love with those two sweet kids of mine. :)

I am also so grateful to have a God that takes care of my children, especially when I can't be there controlling what is happening in their lives.  He cares, He loves them and He takes care of them better than I ever could anyway. :)