Watching from the Door

I hate TICKS and I am scared of them.  They are bloodsucking  bugs that can cause disease and they are sneaky.  If you get a tick and don't get it taken care of you can become sick.  It can cause disease and even death if not addressed. 
Okay, so all that to say, in three weeks we found three ticks on Ava's head.  We caught one before it attached but the other two were in and in good.  The first one was a scary experience because even though we did everything the CPR guy told us to, the tick wouldn't let go.  It was gross.  I have always hated ticks and I used to pray I would never get ticks. :) Now my daughter has them.  It was kind of scary to her to know there was a bug in her head, so we had to try and keep her calm and still.  Pretty traumatic.
The next week, the day before her tonsils and adenoids were to be taken out, my mom called and said, "I am bringing Ava home because we found another TICK on her and it is in and the body looks as though it is halfway in too."  She told me Ava was freaking out and crying for her mommy.  So, we met and on the way to the doctors, Ava prayed God would make that tick come out so she wouldn't have to see the doctor.  Sure enough, the body was out but the head was still in.  We think she might have pulled at it and knocked it off.  She was pretty scared.  She kept saying, "mommy, I think the tick is out."  I knew it wasn't out but the doctor told us to come back at 6:00 that evening and he would have to use lidocaine to get her numb so he could get it out.  I was so upset for her but I knew that she sensed I was upset so Daddy offered to take her in.  I had to run some errands so I told her I would see her soon.  I knew she had no idea what was in store.

Micah kept texting me and letting me know how she was doing and finally I got back to the doctors office just in time to stand outside the door where she couldn't see me but I could see and hear her.  The site I saw made me have the beginning of a panic attack. I wasn't sure what to do.  Was I supposed to go in and comfort my sweet little baby girl that was so obviously scared to death and hurting and calling quietly through silent sobs for her mommy?  Micah didn't know I was there either and he was SO AWESOME with her.  He silently encouraged her and stroked her little face and hand and tried to keep her calm.  He was amazing!!!! I stood there and just cried. I was heart broken and I realized how it truly is when my parents tell me they would take the pain for me, if they could.  I felt that.  I would have loved to take her pain and go through anything to keep her safe.  However, I knew that if I rushed in there too soon, to "rescue" my little girl, the process extracting the head of this horrible tick would be prolonged and thus prolonging her recovery.  So there I stood, crying, feeling as though my heart was being torn out.  I am her protector and I had to stand there and watch this, knowing the whole time it was all for her good and knowing the result was better than if this never happened, but it hurt. 

It was such a powerful moment. I cried, and yet I got this awesome revelation. God gave me an awesome picture of the fact that this is what he does for us. . .for me.  He allows things to happen because He sees and knows the end result and knows we are gonna come out on top and be happier for it, but He WANTS to swoop in and carry us through. He WANTS to hold us and comfort us and make it all better, but he can't.  He can't because he knows that if he does open that door and barge in to SAVE THE DAY it will only prolong what he is trying to teach us or even prolong the healing he wants to come to us. We get ticks in our spiritual lives that can cause disease and even death.  Sometimes the extraction of these "ticks" can be extremely painful, so he sends his Holy Spirit to silently encourage us and stroke our faces and our hands as we struggle through the hardships.  I am not saying I am God and Micah is the Holy Spirit, but it helped me so much to see that knowing how much Micah and I love our daughter and son, so God Loves us sooooo much more and yet, he sometimes has to step out of the room to allow us to grow up and learn our lessons for our own good.
When the doctor was done, I swooped in and I hugged and kissed and held her. I told her how PROUD I was of her and how brave she was and how good she did.  Micah was hugging us both.  It didn't take her too long to get over the fear and trauma and then she was running around telling everyone all about her story of the tick bight.

  I envision this to be us as Christians.  When we go through hardships, we get knocked down and around and we feel so very weary.  God sent his Holy Spirit to minister to us, even in those hard times, but we have to be willing to receive it.  WE also have to know that it is true.  God himself, is standing right outside the door and watching and waiting and crying with us, but he is there.  He IS THERE.  He NEVER leaves us and He will be there, that day we get to those pearly gates and the pain is gone and all we can do is glorify God for the experiences we had hear on earth and the lessons we learned.  I can't wait!!! I can't wait to hear him say, "Well, done Michelle!!! YOU were so brave.  I am so proud of you!!!"  I can't wait for HIS kisses and hugs.  I will be telling my story until that day comes when I get to personally see God run through that door and scoop me up and love me.