Happy 19 Years Sweetheart!

 Be Still My heart. This is an anniversary post for sure, but also a testimony. Years ago, watching this guy right here in our joint youth group and church setting, I set a standard in my heart. I told my mom that I wanted to marry someone "just like Micah Bumbaugh" someday. Years passed and God brought us back to a place our paths crossed again and getting to know him, becoming his best friend, and falling in love with him is to this date, my favorite parts of our journey! Loving him snuck right up on me. One day my emotions went from this guy is my best friend to this is the guy I Need to marry and spend my life with.

On Our wedding day, as I was ready to walk down the aisle my grandmother pulled me aside and reminded me of the conversation I had with her and my mom years ago of how I wanted to marry someone Like Micah and she quietly whispered in my ear "Today you are marrying THE MICAH BUMBAUGH." Open the floodgates of tears as I started walking down that aisle and the tears didn't stop for a good part of the ceremony. That was 19 years ago today!

For the testimony part. Life has not been an easy road in our house. Sometimes, many seasons, we felt scared, beat down, sad, broken, lonely, confused, and wondered if we would make it. Sometimes in our most grief stricken moments, we tended to pull away from each other or even push each other away because the pain of saying goodbye to children we loved and had opened our hearts to, or the pain of getting medical diagnosis that scared us and seemed hopeless, fear of financial hardships and what to do, and just regular life hardships all seemed too much for us. There were some desperate moments in our marriage and family and they were scary. Sometimes the commitment "under God" and vows we took to each other were the only thing that held us together. It didn't always feel loving and flowery, sometimes it was just an action and commitment. Those moments felt so desperate to me. But I am here to tell you if you have those moments God can restore and redeem!

Today I a reflecting on 19 years of life and what I am finding is as I go back and remember the hard times, I am amazed at God's timing. So often I questioned Him as to what was happening in our lives, but what I see today reflecting back is that in those hard times, HE WAS THERE. GOD always showed up to carry us. To put soothing balm on our aching hearts and SOMEHOW, He brought "US" back together. He did it many times! SO many times God would soften My heart toward my husband and remind me where my attitude needed to change and many times He would prompt Micah on the same. God would remind me that Micah is my gift from God to me. God was faithful to prompt our family and friends and they would stand with us, pray with us. God was faithful to save our marriage and for that I will always be grateful.

My favorite moments are not the broadcasted moments that everyone sees but my favorites are the sweet moments when we lay on a couch over the years broken and crying together instead of pushing each other away. Moments when we feel all is lost and we just cry together and silently pray over each other. When we hand back the children he gave us to steward for short times and those times are up and its time to say good bye to the littles that stole our hearts. . . those broken moments. . . when we grieve together because now I can see it differently. I can see that God gave me "THE MICAH BUMBAUGH" as a gift straight from Heaven for me, to walk out this journey and to be my partner in the good yes but even better in the bad!!!! In the hard.... in the moments that NO ONE knew my grief but Micah did because he was walking it with me. I am grateful for the times he said "yes" to an anxious wife that felt a huge call and though everything inside of him wanted to run the opposite way, he trusted God enough to give up his desires to say yes to the call. I am grateful for a man that loves the voiceless and the hurting and the broken. I am grateful for a broken husband because in that brokenness he is cultivating his heart to be more and more like Jesus. Micah Emmanuel "Who Is like the Lord, and God with us" I appreciate even his name and the prophetic implications. He has been father to many and loyal to his few! Love this man!!

Micah Bumbaugh I know you will despise this post as you hate mushy flashy in front of people declarations but, I know you know me and will forgive me for putting this out there. I am so grateful for you Tate! Thanks for loving me even when I talk too much, m
ake eye contact with EVERYONE, don't know how to say "no" and continue to frustrate you. Thanks for loving me for me. Thanks for being my protector and Provider. I do love you and appreciate you. Happy anniversary!!!!

Hold Loosely to the Things of this World

 Wanted to share something God has been sharing with me.  I feel like God has a message for all of us, so I am going to try to articulate what I feel He is laying on my heart.  

First I think we can just acknowledge and agree this past year and season of time has been difficult and hard! There has been So much loss and grief and HEAVY.  The heavy of it all.  That is what I seem to be having a hard time getting away from.  The burden bearer in me is going crazy trying to figure out how to bear all the burdens around me.  However, what I am finding is there are too many burdens and too much heavy for me to carry.  Christmas day I was crying out to the Lord asking Him what He wanted from me.  How did he want me to proceed?  Did He want me to keep trying to help carry the burdens around me?  If so, why did it feel so lonely and so hopeless?  Why was I struggling with helping someone pick up their heavy load only to find myself turning around to find another person needing help. . . . The hardest part was as I was leaning over to pick up and help carry other peoples heavy stuff I was spilling out my own burdens. How could I carry all of this?  

I was praying over this and crying out to the Lord.  The struggle was so real in my heart and the heavy was so heavy I felt trapped.  I saw so much pain, loss, grief, depression, injustice, fear, mean heartedness, selfishness, intolerance, pride, weariness, unfairness, isolation, disappointment, sadness. . . the list went on and on. In the midst of just laying it out before the Lord Himself, I felt Him gently remind me, "Michelle, I sent my SON to carry this.  He carried that burden of all of this on HIS shoulders.  He is who I sent for all of this you are crying to me about." Then our Faithfull Father God started to slowly walk me through laying each person on my heart down at HIS feet.  He started lessening the Load.  He reminded me that we are to carry others burdens along side and with them but not to the point that it destroys us and who He created us to be.  That is why He sent his ONE AND ONLY SON.   

Then yesterday, during church I had this message well up inside of me that I again felt God was imparting something in my inner soul. It was this:

"Hold Loosely to the things of this world.  Hold loosely my children.  There is loss around you and you have loss in your own life but I am here with you.  In this time of weary sadness and heaviness in our world, I am here.  Hold to ME, not the things of this world.  They will fade, they will ALL fade away, but I REMAIN, my child.  My children.  Love your family, friends, children . . . but HOLD LOOSELY to them. They were never YOURS, but they are MINE. So love them and enjoy each day with them but HOLD LOOSELY to them.  Love my people, MY CHILDREN lost in this world.  LOVE them and bring them to ME.  It is what I created you for.  I need them to come to me and I need you to help me with that.  Everyone loses in this LIFE but I your God have a place for you that has no LOSS.  No TEARS, No PAIN.  Hold Loosely to the things of THIS WORLD, and don't lose HOPE!"

Then immediately followed by this verse flashing in my head 

Job 1:21

And he said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there.  The LORD gave, and the LORD taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.

Changes Update so we can Blog Again

Alot has changed in the little world of BUMBAUGH!  Much of it was too painful and too private to share on my normal blog, and much of it I just had to go into survival mode for awhile so I didn't have time to update for a few years either. 

We had three beautiful girls, Kaydee, Alli and McKenna leave our homes after just over two years of being a huge part of our family, to go be with their forever family.  The story of this was long and hard and crazy wild how God took care of the details.  I think the ONLY thing that got our family through the pain of saying goodbye to these beautiful girls that we saw as our daughters, was knowing it was HIS WILL.  It was HIS Plan. Sometimes when God asks something of you, it is only for a season but sometimes, I get a season mixed up in my head as if it is forever.  This was one of those cases.  I truly believed They were my daughters and when God came to us and told us differently, it was the hardest thing I believe we ever had to face to this day.  Saying goodbye to them, broke our hearts and thus started a three year journey of heavy grieving and mourning unlike anything I had experienced to that point.  Saying goodbye to Jameson was the first hard cut and that was intense but saying goodbye to the girls and choosing to let them go was utterly impossible, except GOD.  So I didn't blog much during their years with us because we had four babies under the age of three and I was pretty busy to say the least.  Blogging about our life was impossible because LIVING OUR LIFE at that time was nearly impossible in itself!  The girls left and over a year later God brought us a sweet baby boy named Champ.  Who would have thought that babies are the source of healing but God knew that a teeny tiny baby was just what we needed to occupy and start healing our hearts.  He left a year later to go be with his forever family also, through the process of kinship.  I didn't blog anymore because I just simply started writing letters to each of the girls and Champ, helping me process though the pain and grief of saying goodbye.  God was faithful and still is as he directs our lives. 

Now, we currently have two little brother babies!  They are precious and we have had them for over two years now too.  The case is still open and once again God is doing a new thing in this situation so we have no idea what to expect or what is coming from it all.  But we love them and they are precious and we do trust that the same God that was faithful to us in the past will be faithful to us in the present and future so we STAND on the fact that we TRUST him.  

In the blog for fun sake we will Call Baby number one "Monni" and Baby number two "Dimples."  Monni is currently age 2 and Dimples is age 1 years old.  We love these babies so much and are so grateful for them and what they have been in our lives.  Just wanted to give an introduction so we can really dive into some funny stories in the Bumbaugh Household.  

Above is Champ  - the one that brought the gift of healing.  Below you see the boys Dimples and Monni!  These precious babies help make up what we call family!  

The below picture is after much healing and much time passed and the girls came back to visit us at our house with their new family.  This picture is just a good reminder to me of how happy that day was and how much we loved these beautiful little girls and now their parents and brother too.  God is good but you can see why with this many in my house I didn't get to keep up with blogging really!  :)

That Makes You My Pirates!

One day, while wrestling you around on the bed, daddy and mommy were having a conversation with you.  We were telling you how much we loved you and how much we missed you.  We remind you of these facts often, in hopes that you understand the level we missed you at while you were not with us.  So the below conversation took place . . ..

Mommy - "Did you know you are our treasure and we love you?"

Jameson - "your treasure?"

Daddy & Mommy - "yes, our TREASURE!"

Jameson "well, then that makes you my pirates!"

Daddy - "yes, buddy, that does make us your pirates."

This moment, how sweet it was.  I will never forget it and how precious his little voice was claiming we were HIS PIRATES.  Maybe someday he will understand how truly significant that was to him and our story of getting him back.  He truly is our golden treasure!!

Hunting or Working. . That is the Question!

Micah was saying goodbye to the kids and myself before heading into a Wed. night meeting at the office.  He leaned over to say goodbye and kiss Jameson and Jameson said, "you going to work again?"  Micah said yes, I am.  Then Jameson said, "you taking your gun. ..you taking your gun and arrow? . . . Where is your gun and arrows?"  Micah got this dazed and confused look on his face and all of a sudden it hit me.  Jameson thinks that Micah is WORKING when he is HUNTING.  So, we had a good laugh and then explained to him that when Micah works, he is not hunting and vice versa.  :)  hahah.

Last Day of School Year - First Year Homeschooled - 2014/2015

Wow we did it!  We survived a year of homeschooling, our first year!  There were so many crazy days and sad days and lazy days and busy days and yelling days and field trip days and so many just DAYS!  183 school days accomplished to be EXACT!  I am sorry for all the exclamation marks but I was as excited to be done as they were. . because it meant we had accomplished something I was not sure could be done. . . . .we made it through the entire year of homeschooling and actually ended up with a well rounded year of education!
Honestly with all that we had hit us in this first year of homeschooling, I was pretty sure we would not survive it but. . . praise be to God and God alone, we did!  We brought a new baby home in December and Daddy was injured and had life changing surgery in February.  We also had Jameson come back to stay with us again in April.  It was a year for new beginnings and trials all in its own but then it also was a year of many victories!!!! 

Some of the things we accomplished were surprising to me too.  I plan to do a portfolio book of each year that we homeschool for the kids to keep for themselves but I had to at least address something so big in our lives in this blog. :)

Some of my favorite pros to being home and homeschooling my kids: Seeing them more often and spending more time with them, knowing the ins and outs of what they were DEALING with on a daily basis, watching them learn and retain, reading to them (when the volume in our house allowed such things), field trips, meeting their friends and hanging out with them, and the FREEDOM we had to choose when and if we were doing school on any certain day!

Lots of these days where we were sad and crying and frustrated. . . .and then lots of these days where we were happy and excited to learn. . .

Ending with these happy faces at the end of the year!  Last Day of school year 2014/2015 - May 22, 2015!

First Love vs. Math Tutor

Well Danielley this is a shout out to you!  So, background story is that my son doesn't really like to do math.  I don't blame him because it is not my favorite past time either.  The other part of the story is that my main reason for homeschooling is to try and get him excited about learning again, period.  I wanted him to feel more confidence in his own abilities and to feel uplifted and smart.  I wanted him to WANT to learn again.   So, after a very frustrating year, math wise, I called out for help!  I called dear sweet Danielle Shadle, my little man's FIRST TRUE LOVE. ;) I asked if she would tutor him once a week to see what she thinks we can do to help him.  She was more than willing to see what she could do to help.

So, today was the first day.  I dropped him off and she told me to go and take an hour to shop or just run errand.  When I came back, he was all smiles.  He had obviously been made to feel VERY special!  He wanted to show me all he had done and he was so proud that he had finished his math.  As we were walking to the car, she mentioned maybe having a sleepover for fun sometime in the near future with him and Ava.  :)  Then we said our goodbyes and got in the car.

The entire ride home and throughout the rest of the evening I heard the following statements and some of them were repeated numerous times:

"mom, can we do that again sometime?!"          EXCITMENT
"mom, that was so fun!  I did ALL my work!       EXCITMENT - CONFIDENCE
"Wow, I did all my work before you got done and I was sooooo fast!"  CONFIDENCE - PRIDE
"Can you text daddy to tell him I did ALL my work?     PRIDE - SELFWORTH
"hey, can I take my work along to do when we have our sleepover?!"   EXCITMENT
"mom I got the answers right!!!!  Danielle helps me!  I can't believe it!"     PRIDE - SELFWORTH

The list goes on, but I think that in one session he felt all the things I have been praying for him to feel all year!  God knew what he was doing by putting that little lady in our lives and his life for sure!  :)  She has a way of making him feel special and loved and cared about!  I love that and appreciate that!  Thanks Danielley and Nate, I know you know this, but you are a blessed man! :)  She is blessed too.  Good thing you snatched her up and married her when you did cause he was ready to swoop in and make his move! ;) 

I hope that little man continues to grow in his hunger to learn and work on learning while enjoying what he is learning! Thank you Jesus for a new rejuvenation! Feeling so ready for next year!